Top 9 Secrets To Winning The Westminster Dog Show

9. When the judge examines your dog, "Accidentally" leave a folded twenty tucked into the collar.

8. For a healthy, lustrous coat, add a raw egg to your toilet water.

7. Hard work, patience and a ridiculous amount of de-worming cream.

6. Feed large dogs well so they're not tempted to snack on Chihuahuas.

5. Snausages and Red Bull.

4. In case of emergency, always keep a spare dog in your pants.

3. Give your dog a flea bath, and while you're at it, give yourself one.

2. Tell the dog if she wins, she gets to be on Leno.

1. Ask Jose Canseco for some of that "high powered" kibble.