Top 9 Surprises In The Dick Cheney Interview

1. Admitted he's the guy who popped a cap in Shug Knight

2. Sentenced himself to a week at Gitmo

3. He's engaged to Katie Holmes

4. Revealed list of the next ten old guys he plans to shoot

5. Pinned Brit Hume to the wall with a ninja throwing star

6. Spent most of the time talking about who's going to win "American Idol"

7. His clumsy attempt to pin the entire thing on Michael Brown

8. Claims it was all part of the plan to make Bush look smarter

9. Stunning admission: "The gun was loaded and so was I"