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First 20 minutes shows you inflating your "co-star"
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All the good stuff is obscured by the words "low battery"
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Most of film involves you negotiating with her pimp
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Paris' pet monkey won't stop biting you
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Plumber shows up to fix your leaky faucet... and then leaves
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The romantic candles accidently ignited your hairpiece
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The N.S.A. guy spying on you runs in and begs you to stop
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It's less popular than the Wilford Brimley sex video
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You're the only person in it
